<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Thwarting a Retired Demon by SsEe (DayRush)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29202978">Thwarting a Retired Demon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DayRush/pseuds/SsEe'>SsEe (DayRush)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Dramatic Crowley (Good Omens), Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Post-Apocalypse, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:14:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,295</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29202978</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DayRush/pseuds/SsEe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Aziraphale drags Crowley along on a nice day out around the village. A trip to the library has Crowley seizing the chance to spread chaos in ways that hell and No other demon could imagine. Aziraphale tries not to notice all the capering about.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale &amp; Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Thwarting a Retired Demon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aziraphale had only himself to blame for Crowley’s latest ‘incredibly evil’ (retired) scheme.</p><p>It was a lovely, bright day at the cottage. Crowley grumbled as he held open the passenger door of the Bentley for a humming, cheerful Aziraphale. The local library was selling off some out of rotation books and if a few worn and rare copies not necessarily on the list managed to make their way into his collection... well, that was just Ineffable. The library trip had been a tough sell on its own, but the promise of a nice meal at that new café and a saucy little “You can go as fast as you want” had Crowley tossing his mobile telephone contraption and bolting to the door. </p><p>Temptation Accomplished.</p><p>Aziraphale had just finished a lengthy haggling session with the frustrating librarian for a particularly rare set of books that were in dire need of his care and ownership when he noticed his demon had wandered off. He found him practically lurking by the reference section, staring through a gap in the shelves.<br/>
“I’m sorry for the wait my dear. That librarian was quite the stubborn individual but, these really will be Much better off in my care.” he patted his tote full of books and gave a little wiggle.</p><p>Crowley didn’t even look at Aziraphale as he waved his hand and replied with a vague “Yeah books.”</p><p>Aziraphale would not say he pouted. “What are you glaring at my dear?” He huffed, just only slightly annoyed. He pushed his way over to see the object of Crowley’s demonic scorn. A sedate woman was reading a story to a group of young humans. Parents gazed intently at their mobile telephone screens.</p><p>Crowley erupted into a rant he had clearly been having internally. “She doesn’t even do the voices!” Aziraphale blinked at his wonderfully confusing companion. “Look at them, bored and not even deviously bored. They’re all ready for nap time!”</p><p>“Well, they do seem to be of the age where that might be a thing. Is it?” Crowley gave an uncommitted growl. </p><p>He kept the sulky and contemplative mood all through their meal at the café, only somewhat paying attention to Aziraphale’s moans around a delightful strawberry shortcake. Crowley was so distracted he didn’t even slam the gas peddle and race off the line when the lights changed.<br/>
When they arrived home, Crowley hurried off into his office and brooding throne.  Aziraphale didn’t pay too much mind, as he was eager to repair his haul (really, quite poor upkeep). </p><p>It was around the time the cackling began that Aziraphale started to get slightly worried. He sighed and went to see what mischief the demon was making.<br/>
Crowley was draped across his chair, feet up on his desk, fingers tented and wearing that utterly cheeky, brilliant smirk of his. Aziraphale crossed his arms and tried not to smile. “Okay, what is it? What dastardly plan have you concocted my fiendish friend.”</p><p>Crowley kicked his legs out and sauntered towards him. “Ohh no, not telling ya yet my angel. No way am I going to let you thwart thisssss plan.” Sibilants AND maniacal laughter. Aziraphale was worried. He became less so as he was crowed back into the living room, pushed onto their couch and peppered with devious demon kisses. The rest of the evening progressed quite nicely as he allowed himself to be foolishly (and very pleasurably) distracted. </p><p>Crowley became very secretive and sneaky the next few weeks as Aziraphale fixed up his haul of books. Skulking around, poorly attempting to smuggle things in and out of the cottage in his incredibly tight, 'fashionable' jacket. He just hoped this plan didn’t involve as much rotten fish as the last time.<br/>
It was during a nice cup of cocoa with whipped cream when he noticed the cinnamon dusting spelled out “2MORROW LIBRARY 1:30PM”. He dutifully ignored Crowley’s attempt to hide in the kitchen (He kept peeking his head out and snickering). </p><p>Aziraphale walked into the library, partially apprehensive about Crowley’s scheme, partially about facing the librarian who he may have been a little too persistent with the other day. Maybe less scathing comments about the repair work next time. The ire of the librarian seemed to be focused elsewhere though as a course of screams and giggles erupted from the children’s section. </p><p>“And then, the sword struck the monster in the gut!” Crowley doubled over animatedly, his arm clutching the fatal blow. “Ahh NOooooo! I'm done for!!” He gasped in agony as candy flowed from the ‘wound’ to the delighted screams of the children in attendance. Aziraphale looked over to their parents who were glued to their mobile telephone screens. He sensed a hint of demonic miracle and smirked as The Original Tempter/current pinata impersonator coughed up a few candies in his final, very loud and noisy death throes. </p><p>Aziraphale struggled to tamp down his celestial glow as Crowley attempted to saunter over with several toddlers hanging off his legs. “Oy! Hey, go bug your parents now.” He gave a few shakes and managed to hop out of the grasp of the gaggle of shrieking, sticky hands.<br/>
“Sweet?” Crowley offered as casual and coolly as he thought he was. </p><p>“Hmm, quite the dastardly plan. I truly have been outwitted.”</p><p>Crowley preened at the compliment. “Nothing like a hyperactive pre-schooler pumped full of candy to spread chaos, misery and evil. The bane of parents and silence obsessed librarians the world over.” He actually wrung his hands. </p><p>“I noticed these are sugar free. Oh, peanut-free too. How considerate.”</p><p>“Well, the sugar doesn’t do much. More the excitement about getting candy and being wound up by my superior story-tellin' skills. Placebo something. The human brain does all the work.” He faulted a bit as the less than demonic aspects of his plan were revealed. “Leo there’s got a nut allergy and Sasha likes to save some for her sister who’s type 1 and uh…” Crowley petered off and gave Aziraphale a shy look.  Aziraphale really had to hold the glow back. </p><p>“Well, there is truly nothing I can do to thwart such a devious endeavor. They will surely succumb to the slothful act of reading and form lasting fond memories of this den of knowledge. I can only propose An Arrangement.” Crowley got a quick glance of a smirk as Aziraphale turned away. He dutifully followed, bastard senses tingling. They left the library with a quick nod and “Same time next week then.” to the shushed-out librarian.</p><p>Crowley was vibrating with excitement the rest of the day as Aziraphale, the smug torturous bastard, waited to reveal his “terms”. It wasn’t until after dinner, seated on the couch watching some ridiculous television programme, when he placed a firm hand on Crowley’s knee (which was fidgeting so hard it was causing his cocoa to froth).</p><p>There was only one way he could mitigate the role he played in his demon’s dastardly plan to sow chaos.  </p><p>“If you are to continue your…corruption of the youth, it is only fair that I should be allowed to counteract your demonic influence.” Crowley raised his eyebrows eager for his partner to proceed. “I want to do a magic show.”</p><p>Crowley collapsed off the couch in theatrics the likes of Shakespeare’s earlier open (and desperate for actors) auditions. He gripped Aziraphale’s legs and begged through false tears “No please! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT! MERCY! You…You bastardly angel!” </p><p>Aziraphale held his drink up out of the way and took a few sips while his dear, creative demon tired himself out.<br/>
“You can draw on the moustache…” he tempted. Crowley immediately paused his gnashing and wailing to peek his head up from Aziraphale’s lap. </p><p>“Ya okay, deal.” </p><p>They shook on it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>3 weeks later<br/>Aziraphale shook out his hat, still slightly smoldering as he was marched out of the library. It was slow going due to all the overturned shelves. </p><p>“After THAT brilliant performance of yours, they gave me the story-time volunteer position permanently! Pppfft, ‘a little too loud’. Show you what loud is.” Crowley triumphed as he took over for security and walked his destructive angel to the Bentley.</p><p>Aziraphale gave Crowley an old-fashioned look, and for an immortal being that has been around since the Beginning, that’s saying something. </p><p>Crowley fumbled with opening the passenger door “I didn’t think it’d go like THAT angel! Thought maybe they would just get bored. I can't help if you can sow chaos better than the best of ‘em. Which is me. I’m the best.” Crowley really was attempting to apologize, but it was hard not to be impressed by the effortless collateral damage caused by his angel. Couldn’t pull that off if he tried.</p><p>Aziraphale fidgeted with the still smoking hat in his hands as he took his seat in the Bentley. He looked up through his lashes and gave Crowley that cunning, cleaver, devious bastard smile. </p><p> “Well, maybe I should practice the routine more at home.”</p><p>Crowley blanched. </p><p>"OH DO I SEE SOMETHING BEHIND YOUR EAR?" was shouted after him as he ditched the car and vaulted over a hedgerow.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>